Im bringing wine tonight. Its from a merlot from nashville. i bet it'll taste like infidelity and teenage pregnancy.
Just once id like a girl to say to me in the dracula voice, i want...to suck...your dick...
I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
I never thought I would get head to the lion king soundtrack
He was a level 5 clinger dude i dont need to be told how ridiculously awesome i am all the time, if so id just hang out with my mom
its great to know that you distinguish your relationships on whether you can cum on someone's face
the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys
i accidentally sent all my draft messages..how do i do damage control for the multiple "fuck me now" type msgs sent at ten am?
NATIONAL GIVE A BOSTON COP A BLOW JOB BITCH ROAD TRIP NOW
i want to platonically make out with them, platonically. in the back of this minivan
I had a dream last night that I answered the phone and after I said hello, Shia Lebeouf started yelling "DO IT! JUST DO IT!" That's when I knew, I had officially become meme trash.
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
Still alive. Just brushed my teeth with fireball.
But you''re still having sex with him. And a hobo convinced you to.
be the chaos you wish to see in the world...
i'm trying to figure out how to respond to that in text
Randomize
