so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
she told me she was pregnant in a never have i ever game
the day after is always just damage control
The bar I'm at just passed out smores to everyone. I don't know what it has to do with cinco de mayo but I'm down.
Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
I don't think my arm is broken I can still text
Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner."
I sent him a bunch of texts telling him that his beard wasn't long enough yet so we couldn't fuck and to text me back in a few hours if it had.
Well THAT'S the last time I buy beer and baby wipes in the same Walmart run ... just wanted to shout I USE THEM TO REMOVE MY MAKEUP, YOU ASSHOLES
I was going through my mom's stuff to find her xanax, and I found her vibrators instead. Plural. That is like the opposite of what I wanted.
I am not betting on the failure of any friend that is not you.
woke up in a random sweater in a random bed in a random house on a street I don't recognize..
also, I vaguely remember swapping shirts with some random guy on the dance floor.
Hey my dad gave me life the least I can do is take him chicken strips and a pack of marlboros.
I'm at her wedding and she managed to get every single one night stand I ever had in her wedding party. Why does she hate me?
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