I think about you every night.
I'm sorry.
I checked for jungle juice on Weight Watchers. they didn't have it.
i blame lastnights decisions on friday the 13th
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
Dude your neighbors are having a garage sale. They were judging me as I walk of shamed back to my car.
Things I woke up with this morning: half a mcmuffin, orange hair, one shoe and a friendly german man. Tequila was a brilliant idea.
I faked an orgasm during phone sex last night. This relationship is starting to become real.
Watched twin sisters make out thought it was amazing sick on their part but legit to watch
Just realized I used a picture of my little sister to holler at a guy, only 3 months old and she's already my wingman.
The crooked penis I maybe could have looked past...but no foreplay? Deal breaker.
...I'm not a booty call or a pizza...you can't just call/text and expect to be eating me in an hour..
Being in the club with your moms drunk friends > having a healthy relationship with your mom
He was gunna drive a half hour for a makeout sesh. Time to take the diapers off and learn about the wonders of the penis, dude
Dude I puked in a snow bank and then fell face first into it
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
Randomize
