So I had a Liz Lemon moment today....went to Chipotle to get my "cheer me up" burrito bowl for the 4th time this week and the chipotle guy sighed and said always the same huh?
I just did a sobriety test in a tutu.
We blazed in her bathtub. All 5 of us. Not easy bro
20 bottles of wine, 3 cases or beer, and 5 bottles in my kitchen... My parents are teasing me.
I was cracked out naked on a toilet pretending I was posing for playboy.. Shit got weird, but apparently I had a good bday.
I don't know what I would do if cheese never existed
Someone's stooooned
And I just want to be like your tongue is not a FUCKING sword
no it was not a "magical experience". After we dropped, he just sat there staring at my laptop going "apple makes beautiful things".
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
I've talked to too many cops in one week and I haven't even committed any crimes. I hate the suburbs
Well I didn't know she was a dominatrix...so I kind of just went with it
Whats a little naked between friends. Just don't laugh or I'll be scared for life.
Nooo. I was entirely happy pretending that my vagina only existed for peeing and releasing Satan's waterfall.
well true... there's not a real discreet way to masturbate in public
So you realized he wasn't actually cheating on you and now you're trying to unfuck things. Or in this case unfuck Tom.
Randomize
