I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
apparently the secret to your success is patron
we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
A 12 year old Canadian kid said I was a pussy for only buying a 28-pack. I fit in better in this country.
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
Nothing like having your house arrest ankle bracelet vibrate and take a moisture sample at the exact moment you're about to blow it in some chick...buzzkill
Interesting occurrence: the application I use to keep track of my periods and sexual encounters just notified me it had been over 4 months since you were logged as an active partner and ask if I'd like to remove you from my options. Wow, kmsl.
We had sex and then stood naked in his living room eating zucchini bread.
Idk how much of a virgin he is but I'm tryna find out.
Florida is balancing how much this place sucks with how many vodkas you can have to cope in order to still be allowed on the plane to leave
We are never doing shots of gin. Never again.
I'm pretty sure that's exactly what we're doing.
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
Randomize
