omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
i told him that if he starts being sappy its friends = off. he called me jerkface and drew on me w permanent marker. im either in love w him or we are twelve.
Dude sorry i couldnt seem to spell any words right in the texts i sent you last night
I felt like a fucking code breaker.
There's an old bald Japanese dude on the metra next to me. He's drinking MGD on a crowded train, and rocking out way too hard to what may be the same Dallas Green song I'm listening to. Life is sweet.
She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
You really need to tell him that he has a girlfriend. I'm not sure he knows
I feel like college is just an experience in what names I can't name my future son.
he got a charlie horse midthrust which triggered my orgasm we're still sorting this out.
Just think, this time last Cinco de Mayo you were holding me up and finding me passed out in the yard of that house.
She gave me head while using a laptop on my stomach to go online. I've never seen a better feat of multitasking.
Take my keys. Load me into the vehicle. Drive. Get food. Come back. These are my demands.
Would it be tacky of me to tell the two girls I just found out he's been sleeping with on the side that I've been having gay sex with him all semester?
god. I was just thinkin about the fact that there was a time in our life when we didn't drink.
I masterbated to his instagram page. Too far or....?
I guess I’m only into threesomes at Halloween, because I just woke up next to “Marilyn Monroe” and “Joe DiMaggio” in their condo
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