i'm watching a show about a girl who died from masterbating with a carrot. A FUCKING CARROT, EMILY! YOU NEED TO BE CAREFUL!
Would you like to blur the lines between friendship and lesbianism tonight?
She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
Confirmed. Vegetarians give terrible head.
Rachel and his cat watched us 69 last night. I pretended to be embarrassed the next day... But to be honest I like an audience
High water is the most godliest tasting water in the world.
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
I've had to do a couple req orders today and I would like to submit to you an order form to requisition DAT ASS
Yeah and you keep saying "I know how to win America." While running away from us
You came out of your room naked under your open robe with a mouth full of brownie on a stick and grabbed a fistful of fruit loops and shoved them into your already full mouth.
I am eating a king sized snickers in the strip club. Good morning.
See I insist I'm not a groupie and then I say things like "will bang for a backstage pass".
Slept with a member of the band last night, found out today after extensive stalking he’s engaged. Pro tip: don’t research one night stands.
It's to the point where if a guy can so much as find my clit, I'll consider him amazing in bed
can I CTRL ALT DELETE this universe
Randomize
