Dude, I just saw a bird vs. squirrel fight. A car won.
shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
Today's face brought to you by last night's make-up.
About six hours after the bottle of smirnoff, I was googling "losing your stomach lining" and calling my mom for help. She has experience.
he got everyone in a room, turned off the lights and started throwing knives at the wall. if you got hit, you had to drink...
Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
Surely the maintenance men have seen worse than that condom right
This question may sound intrusive, but how did pushing out a baby affect your vagina?
My mom comes home from her weekend with her lesbian co-workers and asks "You wanna know how I got these bruises?" I've never been more torn about anything EVER.
IN THE MIDDLE OF HOOKING UP, HE IS CALLED AWAY ON AN "EMERGENCY". FUCK THAT, MATT'S CAR IS NOT AS URGENT AS MY THIRST.
There are five fire trucks here and needless to say my booty call left so come back home whenever you like
This is like 50 shades on steroids but with healthy relationship models and mutual respect among all parties involved and lesbian activity.
He totally just went there for sex cuz he slept in her roommates bed the rest of the night after they were done...
pure definition of booty call.
she said she was so hungover this morning in a way that sounded like she was apologizing for thinking she was attracted to me last night...
Bowls and Harry Potter this morning. I guess work isn't so bad after all
Randomize
