she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
He just gave a drunken 7 minute speech on how to make the perfect grilled cheese. he explained types of butter and cheeses....i think i love him
i figure i've seen his cum stains on the floor, i'm allowed to say these things.
well the first picture of me in 2011 involves a viking helmet and chugging champagne. i like this year already.
someone to text and fuck? since when does that constitute a relationship?
since 2006
I wanna give a stern lecture to whoever invented pants cause they are hard right now
How much morphine is too much? Keep in mind that I'm going to my graduation dinner with my parents.
I just want you to know that I am dancing around my apartment by myself singing Taylor Swift into a wine bottle. Do hurry.
You took photos of my underwear around London the day after! THAT was too soon.
He talked for 3 hours straight on how his dad is a dentist how fuck do you think my night was
I'm now having weird sexual fantasies about that riverdancing figure skater. So thanks for that.
I left my parents and ran through the airport. I was like I'm not getting stuck in Atlanta tonight and not having sex.
We almost drove away from the bar with a British stranger in our trunk...
Just FYI: if you happen to notice a liquid of some sort on my kitchen counter with an interesting color/ texture, don't taste it
OHMYGOD YOU REALLY THINK I'D BE ON OPRAH?!
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