first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
Did you know the Dallas Cowboy cheerleaders have an exercise show ON Demand? Yeah, I had a lonely night
He told me the hand job I gave him this morning was "lovely".
You had me at "you have a nicer rack then her"
I know its been a few months but you must know you hve the 2nd biggest dick I've ever seen. 1st place went to a rapper so don't feel bad.
The only reason anyone found out he threw up is because everyone heard it sizzle the bonfire out.
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
I feel like a squirrel prepping for the winter on dollar beer nights.
He kept telling me that something was trying to enter this dimension from another universe through his spine...
So I just chugged the rest of the wine in my mug so I would have something to eat my corn flakes in. With a plastic fork. I need a dishwasher
And maybe a life coach?
Dave when you find that upper decker at your house its from me but its for Jill not you
I have random bruises including my spine and visible bite marks on my neck. Thanksgiving car sex accomplished.
I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
Hey my dad gave me life the least I can do is take him chicken strips and a pack of marlboros.
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
Randomize
