i think you shook his penis after he was done peeing.
I'm so high, I forgot to harvest my farmville crops....noooooooo.
Worst stoner tragedy.
After the concert, I paid a cab to drive me around the city so I could shout "dc highfive!" at everyone who passed for an hour and a half.
Numbies before the dentist, such a good idea.
You know why nobody comes up with Sober October? Other than it's Oktoberfest? Because Sober October doesn't benefit anyone, just like your judgment isn't benefiting me. I'll talk to you in November. Unless you make up another alcoholless month.
He told me he wanted to sleep but I touched his penis and listened to his heart beat start racing. I knew sleeping was bullshit.
Use your nursing skills for good, not evil.
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
She has the perfect pussy. Looks like a paper cut with a puff of cotton candy on top.
I saw this news story about two naked Satanists being arrested so I thought I should ask if you need bail money or pants
Why are you taking pics in the bathroom with the plunger? I mean you still look hot and I'm totally going to wack off to it.
I just came so hard I growled. Definitely found my gspot.
You're either getting fucked or a coupon to Friendly's. I haven't decided yet.
The boob job was worth every penny just to see the expression of pure joy on his face the first time he saw them.
The last thing I remember is trying to chug the rest of the everclear, running through a fence, and laying down in the snow. I hurt.
He took home that trashy slut from Bama but a NFL Lineman was just in my DMs so... who’s the real winner here
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