i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
was it you or me who tried to make the, what appears to be, nacho cake in the oven?
French fry pizza
Are you brilliant or just really high?
Can't it be both?
Tomorrow is Have Sex and Climb A Mountain Day. We have amazing dates.
I just had my first boner in 64 days today....glad to find out my fluids are still pumpin
Sent him a picture of my pregnant boobs from last year, think he'll notice the difference?
I thi k this dude I fcken showed up to the bar in a raisins shirts. I thought I was better than that. Fuckkkk.
Finishing last nights 1.5L of wine and beef jerky for breakfast. Work looms, ever the prickly bitch.
Why did I ever allow that penis to enter my sacred temple?
WTF DOES CAROLINE HAVE GLASS IN HER FACE
Well I just woke up to no pants, Gatorade on the headboard along with an uneaten steak, and the instinct I was a giant asshole.
I ordered from the drive thru as i was peeing on the menu
Was cussing out our DD when one of the strippers takes him backstage. WTF
They call him magic hands is all I know.
Somethings are best left a mystery
Randomize
