You need to stop texting me at SEVEN in the morning. It wakes my one night stands up and makes for the awkward talk way too early.
If there was chocolate on Regis Philban's dick, I would totally lick it off. That's how desperate I am for some right now.
Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
Hey, did you take me to hospital last night?
He just lit his joint with the tiki torches around his pool. He is definitely coming to my future parties
So my birthday was awesome. Only remember 45 min of it but I woke up with a girl on the couch and a half bowl of ground beef
Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
I wish men found my impeccable aim when spitting into the sink attractive.
From one hot mess to another... Get it together.
The fact that me being able to walk down stairs is an accomplishment in my books pretty much explains how I am
I got so many dick pics last night. It was like a slideshow from heaven.
Oh wow and I have a bunch of portable wine glasses called to go coffee cups
What's the best way to tell a guy he can call me when his impending divorce is finalized?
that is very illegal...i love you.
Randomize
