Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
Dude, I just cut my asshole on the new toilet paper. If you rationed the grocery money to buy drugs, I better be getting some.
I just had a flashback to last nights party, I'm pretty sure I told most of the people there that I post a masturbation schedule for an iCal download.
Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
Are you pissed because you didn't get action, or the fact i got boned twice in public places tonight?
He pocket texted me while I was blowing him in the car...What are the odds?
Considering how often you blow him,high.
I ended up with bruises on the back of my knees. Tell me again how I did this?
It's hard to take you serious when you're crying your eyes out wearing an adult sized onesie.
yea last night was a repeat of newyears...exept this time it ivolved a fish costume, throw up, a hole in the roof, and cops...lots of cops
I think shooting the BMW with the bow and arrow is when our group became the evening's antagonist
if you do the accent, i'll wear the eyepatch
I'M WORRY THAT MY VAGINA WILL NEVER KNOW THE TOUCH OF A MAN AND YOU ARE MAKING A MIXTAPE
I'll bring your "congrats on finally banging" cookies tomorrow, I'm exhausted.
There's a guy masturbating in front of Sephora right now
I collect Covid conspiracy theories like I collect Pokemon.
Randomize
