I just saw him at the bookstore and all I could think about was him licking your ass
Well we were just driving down the street, there was a realtor and a couple walking up the porch of a house for sale, mark sticks his head out, opens his mouth to say something, pukes all down the side of the car, pauses, and yells "THIS IS A PHENOMAL NEIGHBORHOOD YOURE GONNA LOVE IT"
i decided i'll just settle for a gay guy who can manage to fuck me like the straight guys do. but here i go again, talking about my dream man.
You just kept shouting "I AM AN ADULT!" until he agreed to carry you home on his shoulders.
just walked into the study room and found an empty bottle of vodka and a passed out freshman. Did you have anything to do with this?
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
While looking for socks, I found my mothers sex toy box. Dear god I finally understand where my kinkiness comes from.
Dude, I'm pretty sure I slept with my TA's girlfriend
Did I run away from you last night?
Yeah it was a great moment for our friendship
Pro: She likes to masturbate to 50 shades of grey. Con: She reads 50 Shades of grey non-ironically.
He was playing minecraft so I took a shower with my vibrator
Hey before you quit, let me sell drugs to your boss at least one more time
immediately after sex he started talking to me about nerdy stuff he meant to text me earlier, I'm completely smitten
she is currently in the shower drinking a beer and dancing to a song called "the penis song" my roommate is cooler than yours
I just made myself 3 peanut butter sammies because I was too hungry to watch porn
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