Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
Is it bad everytime a fat person orders fraps I want to tell them to slow their rolls
We gotta make a movie eventually. All good, long-lasting relationships include a homemade porno
There are 3 guys sitting in the elevator in lawn chairs wearing sunglasses and holding beers. the hallway rugs are stuffed in a trash can. i've never been so glad to be sober.
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
We found her on a strangers doorstep chanting "I know someone will let me in" it took 2 of us to drag her to the car.
Just left the frat house in last nights clothes minus my earings, shoes, underware, tequilla cap, and my dignity. If you see me on your way home just hit me
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
He asked me what I wanted the cake to say and I then asked him if "I'm sorry for throwing up in your bed last night" was too long. He said it was...
i could've stared at her spine forever man..she was so deep, and she made a drink out of vodka and organic mangoo shit. i will find her and present that goddess with some fucking gummies
you're no longer allowed out of my sight at parties
Hey, I'm off work. Wanna take a metric fuckton of adderall, possibly get daydrunk, and get my hair cut?
I could definitely fill a shot glass w my cum
please don't
I accidentally mass texted his dick pic. Not only to my friends, but to my dad as well...
It's so Britney 2007, you know?
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