Mr ***** is in bed with his super hot wife giving her 18 inches of pleasure
her vagine was all disorganized.
i DID NOT walk around with my knees bent and my hands behind my back with long spandex and underarmour pretending to be Apollo Ono
my mom just emptied my water bottle filled with vodka into the turtle tank.
Who would have thought google would have HELPED me fail a test...not pass...thank you pacman, thank you google....
I head back to the dorms in less than a week I'm not ready to see my roomate naked that much again.
He tried to bang a 300 pounder last night. No joke. I shotgunned a tall boy in a bar cuz the bartender didn't crack the beer. Cant wait till Nashville.
Jailed a totally belligerent hot guy. That was probably my most thorough pat down. Ever.
Life update - currently drunk off my ass in the yoga room of SFO at 5:30 in the morning.
I just had sex with the male version of myself. looks, mindset, even our boob to dick ratio was the same
I SWEAR TO ALL THAT IS HOLY I HAVE NEVER WIPED MY GENITALIA ON ANY TYPE OF EMERGENCY RESPONSE VEHICLE!!
Just found a note on the bed that said "Dear mittens, had to leave early I'll be back soon."
WTF? Are you mittens?
What happened last night? All I know is that I walked into class this morning and everyone was chanting my name.
Hot guy next to me on the flight lives near my grandparents. There’s a 100% chance I end up drunk and naked in his hot tub
Happy Thanksgiving to me!!!
We hooked up and he sent me home with a plant and skittles lmao
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