I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
Come over? It's my birthday
How many times has that text failed you tonight?
I made myself breakfast and everything and then whoever's house it actually was came downstairs very upset.
You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
there were at least 5 of us standing around the bathroom stall cheering you on to throw up.
Just got Netflix. Dexter Marathon. Still in my PJ's. Only eaten cookie dough and drinking a 40. I have never reeked so strongly of lonely .
The bar owner gave me permission to push people into the pool. I'm never going to leave Los Angeles
Yes, i finally made it. but let me tell you...i can smell myself right now in class right now, this scent is called alcoholism.
I have no idea. But that is beside the point bc in vegas I'm a pro vball player from Ireland and a veterinarian on the weekends
I feel like saying your blowjobs are worth a burrito is not the best strategy to get him to be more giving in bed.
I still feel like a bad person. A shoulder to cry on became a dick to suck.
I had fresh baked oatmeal cookies, tacos AND was on deck to give a stellar blow job. You'd think that'd be a win/win/win situation.
What's the world record for number of orgasms reached on ones birthday? Asking for a friend.
it's like i'm your dad, but instead of reminding you to bring your lunch to school i remind you to take a good long hit from your bong.
Randomize
