im insabelyl wasted and diont know if ill yexyed tou. call me
I don't think you know how difficult it is to pee in poncho..
she just made me lysol my hands in order to touch her tits.
Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
Just to save you guys the surprise, somebody shit outside of our door.
I must have some kind of deep rooted instinct that tells me when a boys virginity needs to be taken.
margarita monday on the first day back? my gpa is telling me noo! but my heart is telling me goo! I am conflicted..
He wouldn't let me put a red handprint on his face or scream to him everytime he walked away.
Why did you want to do any of that?
If someones last name is Wilson, you are obligated to pretend that you are Tom Hanks and they are a Volleyball and quote the movie when you speak to them.
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
You threw your body across the gross couple hooking up on the couch and demanded they scratch your back. I love you drunk on peach schnapps
I just pawned the ring from my ex boyfriend to replace the ring I lost from my current boyfriend. #thanks
I've needed to start drinking protein shakes to keep up with her. It's like my dick just started doing crossfit.
A girl in McDonalds just asked if I was in here wasted a few nights ago throwing fries at the staff, I said it was my twin
We both know that wasn't me
So today was the first day i've been sober since Wednesday according to my roommate!
Excuse me. I’m a mature responsible adult.
You got your arm stuck in a vending machine trying to get fruit snacks.
I had a cast on my hand and if I paid for my fruit snacks, I’m getting my fruit snacks.
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