i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
Sometimes when i'm at a cross roads in life, i think about what i would want my lifetime movie to show what i did
I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
Everybody was literally kung fu fighting
just saw an anti-abortion rally outside of the courthouse...so naturally i tossed them out a coat hanger i found in my car
Peed on my phone. Dried it out in oven. Technology is both a plus and a minus.
oh my god i just remembered the cat blow jobs.
Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
He dropped me off at 4 in the morning because I made fun of Pearl Jam..
i wish i coudl send you meat via computure
Well, I made it thru a doorway, so I think things are going good.
It's like jay gatsby himself preordained that our genitals meet again.
The first thing I did when I got to the apartment was masturbate on the couch
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
Since when do my one night stands start sending you friend requests?
Randomize
