apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
we made a giant pot of alcholic jello. i filled a gallon bag and brought it to dorms. desk guy gave me weird looks, he doesnt realize this is how i will pass all of my room searches
have u ever looked at the reflection of the water n watched the poop come out of u?
why can't you just be normal
I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
It was a rude awakening when I turned on my phone and the first thing I saw was a picture of David's dick with a face on it, I need to stop drinking in his basement...
Its a bummer that corporate america doesn't believe in $2 u call its on a Sunday night
The guy in front of me got in the club with his green card, that's awesome
Dad's drunk, trying to hook me up with a 43yo, and keeps saying one and done. Mom is on the verge of tears and disowning us. You missed a good birthday dinner.
Did you get your crutches off the street sign?
I'm wearing red that night.
Noted, what shade?
Whore.
Rick Santorum just suspended his campaign. Lets celebrate by watching gay pornography together.
Why isn't there a super hero that comes to the aide of really high kids when they kill their car battery?
Just went to jump into bed... Completely missed the bed.
It's difficult when the romantic and the hedonist in me are fighting. I want him to respect me and hopefully pursue an actual relationship, but then I remember he fucks like a GOD and loves my kink. Oh, life's hard.
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
Randomize
