my orientation roommate looks just like New York of Flavor Flav fame
I guess calling a coworker a lesbian sea cow is some kind of violation.
sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
You would be married by May if you put half as much energy into getting straight guys as you do into getting gay guys
Yeah but he's impersonating a gargoyle jumping off of everything. Including the walls.
Oh god he's like Julia Roberts in pretty woman... And I'm the one who's gotta make a lady out of him.
No I got myself stoned. With her bowl. She was just a casualty of the War on Sobriety.
She curled up in the corner, screamed "THE BLANKET IS SO WARM" and promptly passed out with her face in the dogbed. No one bothered to reposition her.
If I don't have tequila in my hand soon, I'm going to have to violate human rights laws
Do you remember telling the Uber driver that "his cologne makes you want to bone"?
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
I wish I was taller so I could give these boobs the publicity they deserve.
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
She just kept screaming and saying "fucking you is like fucking a mountain"
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