I keep pulling short curlies out of my mouth. Not cool
Proposition. Sex. No words, no talking about it later. I just want you tonight.
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
I bought this skirt with every intention to have it wrapped around my tits by the end of the night. So, I'm not a whore. I'm a self-fulfilling prophecy.
I just peed behind the dumpster and dedicated it to you. Can i call u?
Indeed. The kind of morning where puking in someone's shoes is not frowned upon
I'm sure I'll run in to him again, there's only so many VA detoxes.
This is why we can never be together. Well that and we r married to other ppl but that's very minor detail compared to the coffee issue
From the bottom of my heart, thanks for never sending me unsolicited dick picks.
Funny story... I got into my car and my porn started playing over my Bluetooth.
The only people allowed to make me cry are myself and Chris Hemsworth as Thor. And me.
I'm crying watching Rihanna at the VMAs. Periods are a bitch
6 hours ago I jacked off a a guy for $100. I explained it away as "compensation" for gas and tolls. WHAT am I doing with my life? Quickest and easiest $100 I ever made though, haha
I basically spent the entire weekend in bed with that red head.Every time I tried to leave she got me too horny to think straight. I was kidnapped by vagina
After returning from the hospital with lock-jaw from getting tackle at the game. Some naked chick busted out of his room and hit him with a devastating haymaker to the jaw because he wouldn't have sex
Randomize
