return my video game
Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
Worst hangover of my career vs the return of the blue balls. Will keep updated
He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family
Not even marginally surprised
i just ate a whole pizza and threw it back up in the time span of 13 minutes. give me the number to guiness book of world records.
i go for whatevers easier....i'm bisexual strictly due to the convenience factor
#1 lesson to be learned from mardi gras this year: lock your car doors or some grimy dude like me might just bang in it and use your backseat as a kleenex
You kept making that girl eat peanuts, saying they were good for her baby..... I don't think she pregnant
The key to alley sex is drunkeness.
My attempts to make you laugh have failed exceedingly. Naked snap chats it is
Because making bad decisions is what makes our house great and I don't plan on changing that anytime soon.
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
Somehow my family started talking about sex toys at breakfast.
Remember when I puked into a mesh garbage can in the middle of a meeting and told the clients it was "morning sickness"?
hahah yep
Well the are flying back here, it's been like 10 months, should I frame fake baby pics in my office?? Or too much?
Randomize
