The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
It has to be really easy to get midgets drunk.
They seemed upset when they walked out and saw a penis in a mouth
YOU DID DRUGS AFTER A THREESOME WHO ARE YOU TO JUDGE ME?!!?
Okay. thanks for sacraficing your body and risking aids for our snowcone business.
Im about to smoke a huge bowl. My penis is so happy. Who needs girls.
spending my first valentines day single in 3 years blazed and eating heart shaped brownies i bought myself. WHO NEEDS A MAN.
I am on top of a rooftop peeing on your freedom
we broke the bed, curtan rods, a dresser drawer, and unless I didn't notice it before, we put a hole in the wall. This is why he and I have to fuck in motels.
My roommate definitely just walked in on me playing the piano naked.
By piano you mean.....
Like literally a piano.
Ohhhh that's kind of embarrassing.
i need some magic done to my vagina
He updated Facebook... "Got a new phone today." WHAT ABOUT THE FUCKING KID YOU HAD?!
I'm pretty sure I smell like alcoholism and shame. And it's not a pretty scent.
Did you just affectionately call me a scrotum?
All I know is when I asked you how many fingers I was holding up, you said "Hippo"
Randomize
