come downstairs quick. our boyfriends are having a dance off in nothing but their underwear and shoes. and they have semis too.
John Mayer's mother should have swallowed him when she had the chance.
As in blowjob or cannibalism?
I was thinking blowjob, but either would've been a better idea than giving him a record deal.
I never said you were fat, just too fat for ME
It's not called being bisexual its called making out with anyone that has a mouth
Being this Hungover on Easter has brought my closer to Jesus... I swear he had to feel shitty like this after coming back from the dead
full cup flip cup was not exactly the reason I wanted to tell the cops when I was sleeping on the curb
I only get commercials for vodka and Rogaine now. You're exactly right, Hulu. That's exactly right.
He used the phrase "no problemo" in a sext. It's over.
I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
i think the title to my autobiography shall be, "a bottle of vodka and various pieces of meat"
and this is why you're my favorite gay friend.
Just got home. Taking a quick shower. I smell like sex and chorizo. Dont ask.
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
Literally sucked a dick for ten seconds before I said to myself, this tiny ass penis isn't worth it. My night last night
All I could think about while we were fucking was what Hogwarts house he would be in
No pussy. I don't care what time of year it is you do not look tough wearing sandals. Honestly you look like a high school guidance counselor.
Randomize
