I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
Dude ur right that IS what a vagina looks like!
Do everybody a favor and GET LAID MORE.
I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical.
Remember when I booked a hotel room for next sat? Nneither do I.
I saw he had me in his phone as "the fat twin"
STD scares really help you understand the whole six degrees of separation thing...
Oh, and i love you too. Im just a selfish dick who had to talk about myself first
Just sayin. I pissed on his couch, and ruined his stove. If he's not mad, we're partying there every weekend...
I just want you to know that I'm, like, 45% hard right now.
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
I forgot to pack a bra for work today...you would not believe the extremes i've had to go through in order to keep these nips from my coworkers
The dick pic bandit just sent me a poem about showering..
I'm a stupid stupid woman who is totally going to rock this holiday season dick drunk on that Ginger
also, when i showed up he started talking to me and eventually asked me if the girls treated me well. i went on to talk about my sex life. he was talking about his secretaries.
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