I cant wait to get the disapproving look from this elderly black lady...
My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
they described our state of being as looking similar to a crime scene....you were on the ground and i was running around screaming.
Fuck. I just got my nipple tweaked by a plus size drag queen in a purple dress. I feel like I got molested by Grimace.
We couldn't find him for like 4 hours. Turns out he was sitting under a tree and had thrown his phone in a lake because he couldn't figure out how to unlock it. Freshmen.
as much as i want to say no i cant cause i need the trophy wife training
I'm sorry I ignored your high cries for help while you were grating cheese on my dog.
You almost make it sound as if getting an education to further your career is more important than beer and tacos.
How did you not realize the handbrakes were stuck?
I thought I was just out of shape.
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
I found him in the kitchen singing German metal into a banana while simultaneously mixing brownie batter. He didn't have any pants on.
its Niagara falls. its like international waters. You can get away with anything there
Keep your fingers crossed. If I get to go to a Stanley Cup game I'll give you the blowjob he deserves for taking me. Because hes definitely not gettin it.
Randomize
