What the fuck I just showed up to court still drunk and the judge told me I smelled like his wife
why do married chicks ALWAYS cry after?
so the girl i've been sleeping with for 3 weeks now just figured out that i don't know her name
Lesbian chick is doing her presentation on the time she woke up on the dockside still drunk at 7 am. This is why I show up to chinese class.
The only thing in that hotel room that we didn't fuck on was the roof
Article 1, law 1, section 1 of the apartment 25 party handbook: tarp will be purchased prior to any and all future parties. Aforementioned tarp will be placed on floor. Any and all sick patrons must relocate to tarp preceding the event of expulsion of bodily fluids. Failure to do so will result in ejection of guilty patron and banishment of the accused from succeeding party. All patrons must read and sign a copy before entry is granted.
being a senior sucks, I just started embracing my inner slutty college girl, and it's almost time to put her away...for like, ever. and i really like her.
I blew him while he was standing up and he drooled on my head
Yeah, but he has adorable dimples and dimples talk me into things.
I ripped off the screen and literally supermaned through my bedroom window. That wasted
My boobs keep hanging out of this shirt. I think thats the style I'm going for tonight
Yesterday we were fuck buddies and today I'm meeting his mom. That escalated quickly.
I came so hard I literally levitated off the top of his dick. Gravity was no match for that orgasm!
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
I got sriracha sauce on my mask while I was eating fast food, now wearing it makes me hungry
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