Yeah, but I'm out of licorice and there's no way anywhere near here will rent us all mopeds on a Tuesday night.
New discovery: conditioner is better for jerking off than baby oil. Fuck yes.
my mom just found my flavored lube in the basement. she gave me a lecture about how "giving head is degrading" omg i feel sooooo bad for my dad
Stop making excuses. You can be here in 5 and cumming in 10
The stripper had a daughter my age and offered to introduce us. I didn't know what to say to that.
It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere.
Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine.
Boys DO look like their dicks. Its like dogs.
I actually took a sword out of your hands. You were samurai slashing lemons to make chasers.
You know I think I am ok with him not moving in yet. He came over, fixed my closet, ate me out, and left. I'm now in sweats drinking coke and rum and watching new girl. This works for me.
Sailor Jerry came over for the evening. It was a magical evening. I didn't even get puke in the house.
We go out, we get drunk, we watch Star Wars, we pass out. What's wrong with this tradition?
I just want him to go down on me while I eat a burger. Is that too much to ask?
Bowls and Harry Potter this morning. I guess work isn't so bad after all
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
I WILL go to space. And if we find aliens I WILL fuck one. It’s the Marine Corps way
Randomize
