last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
I just stepped on my own foot and apologized to my shoe... THAT high.
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
you vomited through the snorkel and onto the back of your head. it was truly amazing
You just kept screaming at everyone 'not to break your scarf' and doing somersaults
just cuz theres a goalie doesnt mean i cant commandeer the goal and become a way better goalie
last night i reached the point where my boob implants paid for themselves in free drinks. to celebrate lets go out and get more free drinks tonite.
I told a 250 pound football player I would catch him if he jumped into my arms. And that is how I broke my wrist
If its possible to have a hickey on your nipple, I have one. Thank you.
An old man just slapped my ass and handed me five dollars while I was filling chips at subway. I feel violated, but that was the easiest five dollars I've ever made.
He kept telling me that he didn't serve two tours in Iraq for my bitch ass to drink banana rum.
So I've decided that blue balls for lesbians is rainbow balls and the struggle is real
I licked your asshole in confidence.
You'll love it there. Trust me. Cheap tequila, pretentious beer, tall white guys who will treat you badly. Its got everything you like.
He poured champagne on my pussy while he ate me out. I found my unicorn.
Randomize
