he looked about as manly as a guy in a volkswagen bug can look
shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
when i was 16 reading the aftercare instructions at the piercing place i wondered why they would ever think to warn me about getting semen in my bellybutton
then i met college
only my mom would pack illegal paraphernalia in a care package..
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
He just walked in our room casually and said "big girls are hungry"
So i know you wont get this until you land, but if i'm late its cause i was having sex. being blunt and hope that explains things.
Found out last night that "Everclear" is Spanish for "shit got weird"...
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
gorilla chasing a banana on crotch rockets. Halloween is getting way too real
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
He fed me jello shota while i was sitting on the toilet and then he peed in the shower
why the fuck is there hamburger meat in the toaster. i repeat: WHY THE FUCK IS THERE HAMBURGER MEAT IN MY NEW TOASTER
Don't mind me, I'm just walking 2 miles across campus with no jacket, covered in highlighter, and carrying a hair extension. Gotta love miami!
Did a 4 pm walk of GLORY the next day.
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