So would u like to explain why you ate all my pickels and took my 1800?
About that, i have your 1800 on my desk with intentions of returning it but theres nothing i can do about the pickels
i'm out of smokes so i just had an after sex popsicle. this might become an addiction.
Just used my last prints at the library for brackets instead of final reviews. Hello March.
Peter invited his little brother to smoke with us and he is trying so hard to pretend he's done it before. When he saw the weed he was like "hell yeah!" and everyone got completely silent and just looked at him
How does me getting a new dildo make you crave olive garden
Well you really should've thought of that before you painted your walls the same color as your toilet
I'm not judging you... I'm judging our friendship
There is a good chance that the other night after a wedding reception i was at that i mailed you a drink coaster.
I definitely made out with a high school student last night while his sister and my brother were in the same room. I think we're all traumatized by the situation.
She kept telling me to calm down. I was on the floor with my eyes shut, not moving. In levels of calm I was one step above coma patient
I mean you can't really blame him. He's named after whiskey and I don't get along with pants.
So anyway, I'm just floating along life with my vibrator and low expectations.
He has no idea I'm scrolling through Instagram while he's going down on me. I'm so bored.
Dude. I’m playing chess through iMessage with a stripper. What has my life become.
Just packed vodka and spare underwear into my purse- totally set for watching the hockey with him tonight
Randomize
