is it really weird I just got "suckable tits" in my honesty box and I'm flattered??
Bt dubs, I still have cuts on my arm from when you attacked me with a dildo on Saturday night.
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
We're trying to decide between cracker barrel an the ER
Make this decision based on your love for dick - NOT based on the fact that its probably one of the worst things you've ever thought of doing
they were having sex on the toilet apparently and everytime someone knocked they flushed. it was like an auditory scoreboard of sex duration.
It started with jello shots. It ended with tears.
After the party last night, I dreamt I continued drinking... Apparently my subconscious didn't think I'd had enough...
That is was cool to fuck the single mother accross the street until every girl i bring home gets the car keyed.
Im wearing a bra. Made of paint.
The night got interesting when the random guy next to us handed us a bottle of champagne and the rest of his ciroc bottle. When we asked why he did it, he proceeded to point at his friend who face planted the floor.
Idk she didn't seem that weird to me but I had just eaten an entire tray of jello infused with liquor so I could be wrong...
not only did u rap a voicemail to me last night.... but it lasted so long that it cut you off so you called back to finish..... never do this again
they are cutting me off...little do they know I am making a 75 yr old man i named Herbert buy me drinks now...no shame at 11 am...
There were a lot of gay moments in between the Strippers and coke
Randomize
