Wearing the BK Crown on the throne while dropping the kids off at the pool? Yes, one of my life's goals. Win
im not sure. I kicked him in the ear last night trying to kick a plastic cup off his head to prove I can kick higher than anyone.
your ex girlfriend just barged in my house, drunk, mumbled something about "car strip", and put a huge hole in my drywall with her head.
No, its ok. Im playing strip pretty pretty princess im currently dueling for the crown
why is my new profile picture on Facebook one of me with a bunch of strangers on an elevator?
I'm not drinking cause I'm like 4 vodkas away from a boom box and Peter Gabriel.
I think we should take up crocheing or stamp collecting....something completely lacking penises
Some daaay... Bet your bottom dollar that some daaay you'll do that mollyyyy
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
I just did shots of fireball with my dad in a car wash. How's your pregaming going?
Do you think they'll deliver pizza to my mouth
I just had a random tinder dude give me a ride home from school because my car is dead. Tinder rules! It's like Uber, but with boys who want to impress you.
I AM SO HORNY, I AM GOING TO DIE. I NEED SOMEONE TO WISH MY VAGINA A MERRY CHRISTMAS.
you told me you wanted to be a soccer mom with a high tolerance then you put the bottle to your face
No my problem is I'm working and its a beautiful Saturday. I should be recovering from a hangover and out golfing. Fuck responsibility. I miss college.
Randomize
