It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
hahahahaha your sister just walked down from the guest house with a stain on the front of her shirt and "owned" written in blue sharpie on her forehead. i dont think she knows what happened last night either.
I asked you if you were ok and you said "dude I'm fine, I'm in the recovery position"
She has a facebook friends list called oops. theres 33 people in it. she said its all the guys she regrets fucking.
nope. It turned out i wasnt the drunkest person asleep in tacobell parking lot.
I don't have any money, so I'm just gonna press my boobs against him for his birthday.
Not genetic. He's drunk and texted me a dick pic. Not genetic. Thank God!
Well I didn't know she was a dominatrix...so I kind of just went with it
She told me "I think I'm going to puke tonight" a few seconds later she said smiling"I can't wait!"
I woke up only wearing a Breaking Bad "Los Pollos Hermanos" apron he got from Loot Crate next to a 3 empty bottles of Zima,Jolly Ranchers, and a jar of coconut oil. Fernet is one hell of a party starter
How do you make a Facebook status saying how much you fucking hate yourself without being aggressive enough for people to worry about your safety
Cuz that's where I'm at
I love that you put so much thought and effort into your nudes
I don't send half assed nudes. Go big or go home.
I could be the Kenny Powers of Sex Therapists.
Do you think the hole in the ceiling will count against our security deposit?
i'm not sure you can trust me in a car with 20 dozen donuts
Randomize
