..Thats also how I think I got the lyrics from MIAs Paper Planes Sharpeed on my ass? Maybe.
tagging him in all 73 close-ups of your cleavage might have been a little obvious.
Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room?
how many americans can say they have been laid before eating their first big mac?
After New Year's Eve I will be hibernating my life away. Only wake me up for skiing, schnapps, and sex. In that order.
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
My concierge just asked me to his place for dinner while I was signing for a delivery. The delivery was a box of vibrators. Let's discuss.
Is this a drinking picnic?
Is there another kind?
I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that
the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
You were supposed to catch herpes, not feelings!!!
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
So today was the first day i've been sober since Wednesday according to my roommate!
I have to charm this cab driver. Hold on.
Randomize
