Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
He let me keep his flannel as a "good job" for the great head I gave him.
tried to order jimmy johns from the ER last night, the nurses did nottt approve
Crashed the mayor's bday party, no list for some reason. Wore suits. Ludacris was there.
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
Two dicks, one me.
Yoga's definitely paying off.
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
I just smoked weed with my physics professor. Tell me how my life is this.
Just for once I'd like my first interaction with a new GP to not be an obvious sex injury.
But the problem is you celebrate with your heart but I celebrate with my liver
You have a penis. Therefore everything you say is automatically wrong.
according to the calendar even that i put in my phone last night, i'm supposed to fuck shit up at 11am today... i really hope i didn't miss something important
I'm not too sure what happened last night, but by the looks of it, we must have gotten drunk with zebras.
my mom is feeding me weed brownies...god help us
Just sent a nude with the caption "seasons greetings from our family to yours"
Randomize
