i don't have parental supervision. i'm gonna start accepting candy from strangers now.
so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
Paddidles count extra in the back of a cop car
They woke me up at 4 in the morning screaming "drunk adventure time!" because they needed a sober chaperone. They made me walk them around the block shoeless.
We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
I want a burrito.
Truly, you are the voice of a generation.
My dad, when he got home and saw me loading a bowl in the living room: "We have TWO beautiful balconies to get high on and you pick the couch?!"
that's the best thing i've ever said to a penis
They were scared I was going to get lost last night so they dressed me up as Waldo so someone would always find me.
I've had to do a couple req orders today and I would like to submit to you an order form to requisition DAT ASS
I had to break it to her that she was not in fact behind the bushes when she peed on the church last night
just woke up. hair smells like weed and bbq. shins are bruised. vague memory of us chasing deer at the park at 3 am. fill me in on what exactly happened.
Jesus when did you leave my house? I found 2 bottles of wine, vodka, and a book with blow all over it wondering if I was read bedtime stories
last night I mixed vodka in with my protein shake... and you tell me my new years resolution was impossible
I just found two ugly toothless rednecks fucking in the woods in my backyard. The man shouted at me close the door your letting the stank out which made no sense to me cuz we where outside. Whatever. just another Monday in the Northwoods.
Randomize