we're chasing vodka with high fives
Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
did you seriously just ask me if there is such thing as a sophisticated batman shirt?
the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
Bartending School is so much more enjoyable now that I realized I was in rehab at this time last year.
This is how we made chicken soup last night: Whole chicken in a pot of vodka with a box of crackers and some carrots. We should go pro.
Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
I should not be in class today. For the professors sake.
I looked up while we were having sex to see him covering my pillow pet's eyes with his free hand. I think I'm in love
honestly i just want a cigarette and someone to go down on me... are you interested in helping with either of those
I noticed a trail of vomit coming up the drive way. You must be home
Yeah I'm just gonna shower and drink a gallon of coffee and drunkenly write my research paper. It'll be fine
It's still fucked up that my mom let me think Vanilla Ice was my dad for YEARS just because she thought it was funny.
It was a good thing I was on the balcony flashing those guys or I would have never seen her skipping to his car
Randomize
