I was worried if he didn't show me his penis, he would kill himself
Don't judge me. Haven't eaten all day so I'm in my room sticking my finger in peanut butter, then jam, then my mouth.
Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
why do the even put the "Please drink responsibly" on tequila ads? like has anything responsible ever come from tequlia. No. never.
his dad came out and found me sleeping indian style on the couch with my cup balancing on my boobs. didn't spill a drop.
literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
Their engagement party consisted of them doing shots, yelling at each other, leaving for 30 minutes, and coming back with smiles.
I'd say they're off to a great start!
I woke up to find my purse full of puke, and all I could think was not again.
Ok ladies its the usual spring break system. 5 for a guy, 10 for a non-lesbian girl and double points is its a group thing. Hottest guy of the day is an additional 15. GAME ON
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
I'm starting to question if I'm gonna need to bring a raincoat just to drink around u
U act like I can cum on command
I gave him head while despicable me 2 played in the background. I think I disappointed the minions
I'm just down here gazing up into your ivory tower of nudes
Elliott peed on my floor and slept in it lol that's a one line description.
Who the hell tries to steal eggnog.
Randomize
