Came home to a chalk baord that read:" Think like a rapist." Can't say I'm surpirsed.
I then asked the hardee's employee: mam, do you mind if i pay 75 cents in cash and then put the 1.13 on my debit card.
FUCK TREES I CLIMB BUOYS MOTHERFUCKER
STOP listening to that song
And that's when I found out that Patrick wasn't in fact down with O.P.P.
Just had a conversation with Jon gosselin
Until you fuck him in front of his kids stop wasting my time with stupid texts.
We found them in a dumpster making out trying to get their privacy
She danced with a broom while telling me I was "cool as shit" and she "wishes she could take a portion of my big ass and attach it to hers" then she passed out
I'm sorry, our booty call lines closed at 2 am. If you are receiving this message it is our off hours. Please try again between the hours of 12pm and 2 am to reschedule your booty call. Thank you for your cooperation.
She's riding a bike down the street and drinking brown liquor. A pt cruiser is honking at her and she's like I HEAR YOU!!
Oh and no more ball pics to my family. Got in a little trouble over that. They have no sense of humor.
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
I slapped him but he didn't wake up. He just nuzzled my head, hugged me closer, and smiled.
Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
Cause I know you wanna ride the D like a Vespa in ROMAN HOLIDAY
When my parents ask, do you think "he was the cop I gave head to in order to get out of a speeding ticket" will suffice as to how we met?
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