Dude, way to rack up $80 in pornos in the hotel room last night, and not tell me before I got blindsided at check out.
Heh. Guess I ordered some porno last night. Heh.
Last night we hooked up in nothing but out UK shirts during half time. Never say I'm not a dedicated fan again.
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
I just smoked my last bit of kief with a grill lighter. This is what crackheads must feel like.
If you hear screaming in the middle of the night, bat got loose. Call poison control immediately and explain rabies
I was passed out in a dog food bowl tor two hours. Just tapped my dinner beer. I love homecoming.
There's a time and a place for everything. Except for getting wasted at a work event, puking in the parking lot, and sleeping in your car overnight.
I'm naked, I'm drunk, and I'm all up on social media right now
He didn't even realize I was drunk. He probably just thought I loved Torchwood so much that I no longer knew how to use my thumbs
Just got a 200 dollar safe, two jars, and a 500 pack of rubber bands.. This doesn't SCREAM drug dealer does it?
...you should fill the cart some more
What section do you want to sit in? The screaming girls section or the "when you guys were popular I was straight and pretended not to like you guys" section?
His dad was on the tv delivering the local 11 o' clock news while we were having sex
I'm going to give you the best blowjob of your life. And yes you can use my mom's printer.
What happened lastnight it looks like I had sex with edward scissor hands....my back is so messed up
my bad i broke a mirror over your back
So my furniture is upside-down, two lamps are glued to the ceiling, and there is a kitten sleeping on Kyle's face. Please tell me what happened last night....
Randomize
