a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
Dipping chips in queso and thinking of your beautiful face
im dressed up like a present. waiting for someone to unwrap me ;)
this is your brother
Do they fuck in the end of "Lady and the Tramp" or am i just wasting my time
The chance that I have herpes may have made me find god
I'm sweating while I eat mac and cheese. That fat.
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
Woaahhhh there! We are JUST drunk fucking. Don't call me "baby".
I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
I always congratulate people on their vaginal emancipation.
I found him stumbling up to our building with a solo cup under his arm. . . He told me it was his favourite thing ever. He also told me hes never been drunk before.
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
Well I'm going to San Francisco next weekend for pride. I'm sure I'll end up drunk and on a beach at some point.
He's gonna be so upset when he get's a real job and can't do serious drugs.
Randomize
