she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
is it bad that i regret hanging out with a girl tonight because that means i have less time to sit on youtube watching xmen cartoons?
look what he's done to me, i actually want to be a stripper now.
the tile , carpet , walls , cabinets , even the ceiling ... there is Jello everywhere
it was your idea to have indoor Jello wrestling man
all I heard when I woke up this morning was "BONG HITS FOR BREAKFAST" being yelled repeatedly.
Ya bro it was wild. Hey, is latex digestible?
Threesome in a minivan. New low
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
I'm sports announcer narrating myself making a sandwich. Your weed wins.
Here's my first problem: I'm drunk
Indeed. Apparently I called my sisters and told them I wouldn't get arrested because it's not a real sword.
turns out putting a tie on my unicorn onesie didn't make it acceptable "formal wear" and I found salsa in my cup holder
Mashed potatoes are always the fuckin answer ok.
I got bit by a peacock. That's how hard shit went down last night.
I'm kinda sad I'm leaving the bank. I never got to have rough sex in the vault.
Randomize
