My penis is bigger than his and I don't even have a penis.
just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
Security brought me back to our hotel room in a wheelchair last night. Vegas.
And if you ever tell anyone that I will fucking kill you.
He invited you over for Super Sexy Saturday and Cosmos... I'm pretty sure that's gay
so i literally woke up after a night of doing lines to a bag of pretzels falling off my bed. a reminder that maybe this is a contributing factor to my freshman 15.
50 year old business women like dick too. Come on she said you looked like Ricky Martin.
That awesome feeling when you are pooping on the same toilet that nobel laureates have pooped on
It was less of a bar, and more of an abandoned basement that some people sell booze in.
For the past year I have been the most responsible I have ever been in my entire life and now spring break is here and there is free penis just traipsing around my entire town. The game is afoot.
That moment when your fucking in an airport bathroom and forget to lock the door. That poor man...scarred forever...
It's now officially the Christmas season, so I have no shame in drinking evernog.
I just had a flashback to us shaking up Gatorade mix and then inhaling it in your kitchen because it was funny. Now I can't stop laughing in work because that is the stupidest shit.
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
you drug him to get him horny then deny him sex. freaks.
Pandora played an ad for a free trial for an abortion pill if you’ve had unprotected sex in the last 2-3 days and then Lucky came on... I literally am dying laughing
Randomize
