New universal law, if a movie has a Rob Zombie song in it, its probably a bad movie.
Dear yesterdays makeup, Thank you for always being there when I stay up late binge drinking on weeknights and am running late to work Friday morning. You're the best.
you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
It's a long way off yet but I've started planning my eviction party. Be prepared, it includes jungle juice.
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
yolo... Doesn't that stand for 'shut the fuck up'?
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
I'm getting paid over-time to sit on reddit and look at dicks and abs all day. I'm really happy right now.
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
I'd have to have a ring. Like I don't want to be called "the ex girlfriend that shit on me"
I woke up with a captain's hat on my desk.
I knew I no longer wanted to bone him when he put the Grease soundtrack on as "mood music", no guy looks attractive singing and dancing to greased lightning naked.
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
I can't believe I slept with a girl who has the words shucks in her vocabulary. I'm getting less picky by the day..
Randomize
