1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
Soooo billy mays was on coke. I'm about as shocked as I was when Clay Aiken came out
we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle.
Yeah he's still asleep. I washed the blender out. He tried to make a ham-shake. Lets wait until after break to have that talk. I kind of want to see where this goes.
I am VERY upset that you called my fiesta a waste of time.
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
How many layers of skin can you loose before it becomes bad?
Last time I heard from you, you were double fisting strawberry milk and wine. Answer this text so I know you're still alive. Bonus points for a coherent answer.
Yeah, he has a kid now! Shit... You know you're all grown up when the people you used to have threesomes with become parents
New low. I just threw up in the shower at 4pm. Nothing like leaving behind my 20s with class.
I am pretty sure I just put SoCo in the bird feeder
I think if my mom ever finds out about my nipple piercings I'll just be like "mom, tbh it's a sex thing"
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
Im gonna go lick parts of my apartment. Good night and be ever vigilant, you never know when I'm coming to epoxy your hand to you nipple.
What happens if you die with an erection? Does it stay hard? Disclaimer: I'm high.
Randomize
