After we smoked, the cops questioned us but i just asked if he wanted to join our basketball team.
Packing up everything in the dorm. Silly bands to unused condom ratio is ridiculous.
She is putting glow sticks from her bedroom to the bathroom. She is calling it 'Being prepared'. God help us all tonight...
The bloodstain in the garden looks like a sad face. Like I don't already know this is bad...
New rule: gentleman callers are required to bring me gifts of beer when coming over to court you. Tell the monster jam dudes so they know.
and somewhere between crying in her arms and throwing up in her front yard, we became friends.
There would be some who claim I got a little "carried away" or that we "probably don't need that many jello shots". They would be wrong.
Good. Need a drinking partner later. FOR AMERICA!!!
I'm pretty sure the Jahovah's witness only came to our door because the front says "Twerk Or Treat"
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
So I considered mediating this morning and instead I master-bated...same thing right?
Quick, I need a picture of your dick. Don't ask questions, just show me your genitals.
Drink drank drunk tankkkkn, LETS GO
i can't believe i helped you shave your back last night, and she still didn't sleep with you.
I'm really sorry I called you a "smug, arrogant, boyfriend-fucking piece of defecation". I was super drunk.
I was going to be mad, but then I remembered you don't use autocorrect and spelled everything correctly and I was kinda impressed.
Randomize
