He said he was just looking at my pictures and was thinking about how he wanted to cut my hair..then dye it black and put platnium blonde extensions throughout it and layer my hair
he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
I mean come on, he's the best quarterback in the state and doesn't even know how to put on condom
after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
I want a meaningful relationship and i wont get one if i keep giving him blow jobs in my basement while watching family guy.
Also pencil in smooth jazz and illegal activities. The usual.
Sometimes I seriously wonder if I could get away with vodka Sundays at work. Cuz this red bull feels naked.
i just remembered that i did the "single ladies" dance ON THE BAR...fuck you slippery nipples i curse the day i discovered you
He doesn't belong with God. He belongs face-down in a pile of his own excrement, vomit, blood and semen. Then pissed on by Satan.
I came in and she was laying on the ground just stoking it saying "the floor is where our feet step"
You don't understand. If you watched a video of the shenanigans that occurred in my life over the past 48 hours you would gasp worse than the girl who witnessed me puking in my bag at the children's hospital
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
this vacation is helping with my sexual bucket list so much. threesome, deaf guy, and outdoor sex all accomplished.
Randomize
