I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
does he have a tent? the camping kind not the boner kind.
I never thought that I'd hear someone utter the words, "I need another studded belt." I was wrong.
just threw up nine times in the shower.. solid night last night.
I had to physically hold you down to stop you from going out the window naked. You put up quit the struggle.
I walked in on her just letting her nose bleed into her friend's hands
I guess our biggest consolation is that we haven't woken up in a hottub with a dead dude. Yet.
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
I'm not throwing down for dinner because I plan to have so much tequila I puke it up anyways. How much is a cab home?
Good idea. You gotta take care of your vagina. She takes care of you. Pay it forward.
You kno how some people just need a "everything will be alright" pat on the back? I need an "everything will be alright" blowjob right now. Come over
He sent me a vid of himself jerking off. I hope his hands are the size of tennis rackets or it will be a very short date.
This 35 year old just told me that he was headed to the dance floor and it was about to get real dangerous......was that an invite?
Any recommendations for how to tell your wife about the pics of her 19 yr old sister on a porn site without admitting you were surfing said porn site?
Let's just say I peed the bed last night, and I wasn't in it alone. Whoooops
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