I DON'T KNOW WHERE WE ARE WE ARE TOO FUCKING ELEVATED.
Me either! Fuck yeah, 12th and something. 12th and hamburger stand.
Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
I dk what to do with this kid he is like legitimately interested in my life.
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
he stopped during sex, told me i smelled like McDonald's and went harder..
I am pretty sure they consider me one of the "bros". They compliment girl's racks to me and are the human forms of dick-be-gone. They won't sleep with me more than once cause it's "weird", or let any "untrustworthy boys" sleep with me and I still help them get laid. Not...fair...
He goes "hi, free today?" WHEN AM I EVER FREE ON A SATURDAY, I GOT HUNGOVER TO BE AND DRUNK TO GET.
Tell her this is the Disneyland of penises.It's a magical place everyone should visit once in their life.
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
Just jacked in the family restroom in the hospital while eating beef jerky and looking at reddit gone wild.
Alvin just won tickets on the radio. I guess he's out of jail.
I just used Bacardi to dry out poison ivy.
whoa whoa whoa, you're saying I shouldn't post pics of you balls deep in a southern hottie?
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
You ran up to my room. I was naked. You refused to leave without drugs. I love you.
Randomize
