My mom asked what the mark on my neck was - I told her I burned it with a straightener.
She believed that the monsterous hickey on your neck was a burn?
well, not really. but then i reminded her that my sister has yet to take that pregnancy test and she conviniently forgot about my hickey
I tried to explain to him that we just wanted a stereotypical black friend to be in our group. He didn't take it too well... Never take me to the bar again.
Lauren she was gnawing on a dresser. Gnawing. On. A. Dresser.
all I remember is repeatedly winking at the fire marshall while he was counting the people in the bar
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
Alright. I will breast feed the first person to get here.
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
Oh hey. I left my beer there. Beer is more important than my pride. I want to pick that up.
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
MY BUTT IS BIG ENOUGH FOR AN ANACONDA AND HE DOESNT GET TO ENJOY IT TOUGH SHIT
You're going to replace me with a robot made of heating blankets and a vibrator?
We left him in some bushes a few blocks down toward campus. Did he find his way home?
Is she still on a quest to lick every stranger that enters the bar, or have the restraining orders reached critical mass?
I'll get the most aesthetic strap on, you'll see
But what is a man profited, if he should gain Joe Biden and lose Alex Trebek?
Randomize
