Mental picture: Us at a bar keeping it classy shot gunning PBR's in the corner.
That was a good example of when keeping it real goes right
That should be a holiday. like easter. but bulges instead of baskets
so my 6 year old came home from school and asked me if he was a bastard cause the kids at school called him one, i told him to call them a clit. those parents will hate me
How are YOU going to look? Buying 40's on Christmas eve.
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
I thought that u needed a break due the fact that your nipples were bleeding
perfect. if all else fails remind him how anxious he is. talk real fast and induce a panic attack that only I can remedy with xanax.
bro, your right, i shouldn't feel embarrassed about taking shots from a penis-shaped ice sculpture
Please show REO speedwagon ur boobs for me.
Some guy just ordered at Cosmo and 2 screwdrivers in the sky club at 8:30 am. I'm starting to feel a lot better about my alcoholism
I was supremely disappointed in the lack of dick and doughnuts in my life last week.
It's such a sad loss when a hot guy finds Jesus and grows a neckbeard
Told him I just wanted to be friends. He responded, "The best marriages are born from great friendships." Please come get me.
I have a weird question... did you bite my back last night?
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