a cemetary is a place for people to rest in peace and you just spermed all over their land
no one should ever give us hovercrafts
i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
she's using motion activated glade air fresheners as some sort of early warning system
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
Trust me. My penis has made more than enough decisions this weekend.
She handed me her tooth and asked me to hold it so she could swim.
We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
But the ghost of his schlong past haunts you
I'm not taking advice from anyone I've seen passed out naked at noon on the hood of a strangers car. Meaning you.
He offered to let her do a line of coke off his hard-on. She said she'd had that hard-on and it would be a bump, not a line. Everyone laughed. That's why he left.
So that answers the first question but not the second: how the fuck am I getting home?
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
I’m at that point in my trip where I’m kinda hot, kinda cold and I have to remember to breathe.
I really prefer to do my walks of shame in the summer
This toilet bowl is my home.
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