Michael Jackson and Farah Fawcett are dead
NOOOOOOOO not MJ! Someone tell the paramedic to grab him by the heart and just "Beat it"
i took a field sobriety test yesterday. a crowd gathered, watched me pass it and applauded. then the cops arrested me because i took a bow and fell over.
I just woke up. In the port-o-potty next to our tailgate. an hour after the game started. explain.
heey were did you guys go? last time i remember seeing you i was throwing up in the fountain
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
As long as you're not dating white guys again.
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
i just looked in the mirror i look like i'm about to film a PSA about prostitution
My liver just had a heart attack.
My New Years Resolution is to get everyone to start talking like a 40 year old douchebag. From now on, you will only refer to me as Chief.
The guys in the quick check just recognized me as the girl who bought rolling papers and whipped cream. This is the walk of shame on crack.
We are 100% horrible people, and im extremely happy we are friends
Yeah, this is not that. This is a father and son bonding moment involving my all of my orifices.
After the bar we stopped to Meijer where I found myself singing little mermaid while rubbing a pack of hotdogs on my face..
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