She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
Mike is offhisass drunk and just sat down next to my sister and said "If you gained 30 pounds and stopped reading poetry, I would be attracted to you. Now, your little sister, attractive, even though she's basically the same person as you- she just pulls it off better because she's 15."
You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.
I just made a milkshake without a blender... thats determination
he doesnt exactly give off the "im mature enough to use my penis" vibe
Is it inception if it feels like another uterus is going to burst out of my current uterus?
You want to groom your chest hair? You mean with a little baby chest hair brush? Because that sounds adorable.
His last Google search was "will sperm ruin the retina display on Apple products?"
He bought the 12 pack of condoms. I take that as a sign of serious commitment.
I don't know about this Sanders guy after all. I'm voting for MYSTERY BABYLON, WHORE OF ALL THE EARTH
Hillary?
I just want to bone him one last time before he moves across the country with his new (average looking) girl friend.
When I came out of the bathroom you were naked dead asleep on the couch but your dick was still rock hard standing straight up. I almost took a pic. It was impressive.
So if I run into you on the street, I'm supposed to just stop drop and suck your dick?
You know something is wrong with your lifestyle when you have to clean easy Mac cheese powder off of your scale
at least it's not cocaine like last time
Randomize
