I can't believe he cheated
Whatever. Anytime she has an orgasm, it's because I taught him how
At what number of girls whose last names are stored in your phone book as drinking establishments does it become excessive?
dont touch anything in my room. If its phallus shaped, i can almost guarantee its been in my vagina.
woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag.
I make your heart skip a beat like that pivotal moment when you open a public toilet lid
and I believe it was when I was running to class to take a test still drunk in my Halloween costume that I realized I have reached that point in the semester where I just don't give a flying fuck anymore.
I'm not trying to alarm you guys, but I think I just swallowed a ketchup packet.
Not much. Some creepy guy on Grindr thinks he knows who I am and where I live. So I sent him to that place with jockstraps and bacon. Hope he has fun.
Then, she put flavored warming oil on my dick and was amazed when something she bought FROM SPENCER'S almost burned my dick off.
I'm using her Instagram as a way to know where in town she is so I can avoid her lol
I think I got a sinus infection from puking out my nose on st. Patricks day #thisis26
Anyway, all that to say that tiny penises are a hassle.
the only things my left hand does: catch/hold things and masturbation.
So I've decided that blue balls for lesbians is rainbow balls and the struggle is real
I woke up next to a box of cheese bread it was super romantic
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