This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
It was like doing yoga with his dick in me
So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
mom came into my room and asked to borrow some condoms. We have gotten to the point where it's not awkward anymore.
They kept trying to slap each other but they were poring beer onto their hands first referring to it as their baby powder
Swear to god this chicks brother got let out of jail for the weekend for the sole purpose of cock blocking me
Her dog trainer Fuck buddy is over here again. She sounds like a squeaky toy and he talks to her like he talks to the dog. I CAN HEAR EVERYTHING!!!
i went to the 24h massage place last night and brought down the price for a hand job from $50 to $12.75 and half the big mac left in my bag.
Question: what's the protocol for seeing your mistress walking alongside her clueless boyfriend? If you could answer this ten minutes ago, that'd be great.
being single and having a boyfriend 300 miles away is eerily similar. never skipped a beat eating hot wings in my bed with no pants or masturbating every day.
VAL. THIS MOTHERFUCKER IS LAYING IN MY BED WEARING A CAT SHIRT, VAL. COME SAVE ME, VAL.
I may or may not have tried to give myself a lobotomy
Can I borrow your pants?
WTH?
Just come to the men’s room and help me. The blonde bartender figured out I’m married. Rachel will definitely notice if come home pantsless
She picked a quarter off the floor, kissed it "for luck" and won the $20,000 jackpot. She bought dinner and stayed sober to drive us home. This is a typical example of a visit with my sister.
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