I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
he keeps calling me but I'm too scared to answer... Not sure what he's gonna yell at me for: barging into his room while he was with another girl, filling her shoes with dog food and water, or hiding his keys in the garbage disposal.....
I woke up to ritz crackers on the lawn, a keystone behind the hedge and puke on the rental car... i think that we have become that house...
this is the second time this week i got a blowjob from a crying girl.
Dorm room. In. Elevator. Fell in. Boom. Puke
Hes screaming about Slender man. whatever hes on is probably not healthy.
Come over, I want to eat cookie dough off your dick.
You can wear my underwear. It'll be like old times.
Sorry that I was such a monster last night. It was the drugs, I promise.
Being able to fart in my own house is like 90% of why I pay rent
Yeeah, I think a threesome is one of those wedding presents you can't register for at Bed Bath And Beyond..
Knows all the good gay bars AND has a dog? Wtf can't I drop pizza on guys like that????
Just taking a shit and realized the captain planet theme song is stuck in my head.
easy for you to say. you're not the one who has to explain why you woke up with a pineapple and a used condom.
Randomize
