R you on birth control?
No, why?
...no reason
u know what's depressing? a picture of an owl without a graduation cap
Im dancing with my grandma to Low right now at the wedding. There's no coming back from this.
I just had a librarian tell me that "wikipedia is like sex"
When he expanded on the analogy it actually made sense. "you're going to do it either way, so I'm just going to tell you how to do it safely."
if we dont hook up this weekend, im doing both his roommates
You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.
Why is it that every study session with you turns into a hunt for drugs?
By the end of the first quarter he was so hammered he was pouring beer into the crockpot with the miniature hot dogs and BBQ sauce saying he loved the supper bowl and he loves taking mini weinies to the face
I remember us getting kicked out of the bar, but neither of us know why. We woke up next to chicken bones on a plate with spoons, and my car has mud all over it including places where feet shouldn't be, like the speakers on the car door.
Oh and an honorable mention for your father's porn collection. Things I'll never forget.
I cried at the bar for 30 minutes because I got my arm stuck in my sweater. I got free drinks for the rest of the night after the bartender helped me.
Ended up at the strip club, got told I should be a dancer 4 times, got free tacos and my hot TA slide in the dms. How was your night?
I continue to impress myself. Also I'm probably pregnant
You would be successful and sober without me. you can't turn your bakon me now
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
Randomize
