She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
The only reason you're wearing underwear tonight is cause you have a family dinner before
Is your delayed response due to the massive amount of judging going on?
Day 3. Will have to postpone job hunting by a month. May have blown out my knee. Was sunburned on Friday. Now look painted red. Still alive. All worth it.
lets just use each other and get past this awkward stage. forget my name.
If you could come over after class and poke me with a stick to see if im still alive id really appreciate it
I've used my house key more to do bumps of coke than I've used it to get in my house.
do you know how hard it is to bring up the "what do I do if you conk out while we're fucking" conversation while maintaining the dignity of.the narcaleptic girl you just met?
I forgot to tell you. Your neighbor was walking his tiny dog and saw me crawl out of my jeep drunk vomiting and holding onto my bumper. He just said: morning! all friendly.
I'm just like... Utterly amazed that we're still alive at this point. Who'da thunk it....
It would be weird sobbing cry sex.
To be clear you just said "I'll give you a baby" as a sext?
I guess daylight savings isn't a holiday we need to celebrate for three days...
Been there. Done that. Still have his t-shirt.
Randomize
