I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
Phease come get me i thought i was in a place i don't even understand
U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
If you win this game of words with friends, ill suck you off for 30 minutes. No lie.
I cant last that long. Do i get the rollover minutes?
I could swear I did coke with Jesus last night
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
Yeah I'm gunna date him. I figure its regular sex and maybe feelings will come in time...it worked for arranged marriages...
I am going to borrow your water/shock proof video camera for St. Pattys day so that if wake up next to the highway again I know why.
Ok but I hold the right to any footage of you getting slapped, puking, anything with body shots, and allowed to make a montage of it to put on youtube.
You peed on someones bathroom floor while saying people are rude for not flushing
So what exactly does one do when my driver gets a DUI and is now arrested and I'm still hiding in the trunk?
I knew things were bad when my gyno recommended meditation.
So we decided we're going to stop having sex...except for tonight. And probably tomorrow.
the fact you finally accept your bi don't shock me but as your fuck buddy I expect you girls to go family style on me
Randomize
