Luol and I just scored with two 40 year old married chicks. They dropped us off on the way to soccer prctic. The kids in the back were confused. Call me.
I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
We had sex in his tahoe, talked about how we don't love each other and then high fived twice. Best Day Ever
we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
I forgot how few teeth there are in this state...
He adopted an old drug sniffing dog so that he won't lose his weed around the house anymore. It works.\n
I own a halfway home for drunk girls, this is my life
Gotta admit I did think about bartering you out to the gay guys for $20 and the dudes flashy neck scarf
Since Josh is going to be Carl Sagan for Halloween, he bought a turtleneck and sportsman jacket. It's all my nerd fantasies come true.
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
Strip club or gay bar tonight?
I am an emotionally compromised bisexual.
Wanna have a sleepover and take me to court in the morning?
We should leave before they realize I dumped a bowl of Fritos in your bag just in case I got hungry
I would cock slap so many things if I had a cock.
Randomize