O no, u 2 are dating again?
No. I just masturbate furiously to his picture
I've done 29 out of the 30 things to do to a naked man according to Cosmo. I don't know if that makes me innovative or slutty.
Genius.
Considering that my ex-wife dumped me to become a lesbian, the Universe owes me a threesome.
She called it mighty mouse.. And from there it was down hill
That doesn't help it make any more sense. Because now you've brought pinata condoms into this.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawnmower thinking of you
be proud. or at least amused. an 18 yr old and a 25 yr old at least makes my average hookup age this week the same as my age.
The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
Seriously babe, why do I keep waking up with bruises on my nipples? WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO ME IN MY SLEEP?
Actually, scratch that, I'm not sure I want to know.
It's nice out. . But after I almost put a bag of chips in the microwave to make nachos. ..I figured it best to not venture too far from the couch
Got to use the phrase "sweet pukas dude." My day is made.
I sent my boyfriend to the bar so I could go out tonight and actually get laid..
I just had a 10 minute staring contest with my dog. Can you come over?
I'm laughing at the fact that I'm at Target right now buying vitamins and alcohol.
I just got a text from a stranger offering to shave my asshole. I've been sober and out of town for a week, are you using my number as a dial-a-dumping again?
Randomize
