she woke up with a sticky ear
I just went through her cupboards. Eye patch and sword. nowhere near each other. different shelfs.
One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
So chef boyardee smells exactly the same after you throw it up
i literally discovered the exact same thing last week. i had the lasagna one
ravioli
He is the blood diamond of hook ups. You think you want it...but you don't
The school security guard knows my name.... I think I'm missing some memories...
I ran into a hotel and told the doorman he was doing a great job. That was before you cried on my jacket.
are you just inviting me because you can't afford an actual stripper?
Your level of morning after guilt is too much right now. Do less.
We need to leave a grand offering for the god of free booze and salvia.
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
Was it cause you feel bad for the ridiculousness my vagina goes through because same
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
Dude did you see that video of yourself crying while bathing in vodka on YouTube?
This girl was in the river screaming that someone didn't love her anymore...that's when the guy in a kilt claimed her...
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