dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
So she said she wears a diaper when she's on her period and I'm not going to lie, I kind of want to see the diaper.
im having a hard time not telling ppl about ur bathroom story
im stripping for him via video chat, but the sound is turned off cause his students are taking a test
so i just drove past a racoon and a kid on a long board... god i love 4am white castle runs
At what point in time did you think it was ok to jizz in my hair while I slept??
Around the time you told me my brothers dick was bigger.
Thank you, bloody toiletpaper I found in the hamper. I was worried that today was going to be boring.
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
Somehow ed fucked carrie while purposely not saying a single word to her all night. He just nodded and smiled.
Would it have been easier if he talked to her?
Yeah, but i bet him he couldn't do it. Now he gets a free taco bell combo of his choosing.
I figure that my generation of my family needs an alcoholic. I'll take that burden.
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
He took me out, we slept together, and he sent me home this morning with fresh cantaloupe. #husbandstatus
Well if your hearts not big enough, your penis certainly is. Just have a threesome
I will consider it. I need to determine if ogling him is worth almost certain death via zipline.
We were so amazed while watching mission impossible ghost protocol last night we didn't even have sex
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