The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
It's my fault there's ramen coiled around his penis.
I don't think he grasps the fact that I would much rather he finish inside me than on my $400 Anthropolgie bedspread
So I just told the bartender I would go down on her. You need to get here
my goal was to make out with as many people dressed as batman as possible. I have my priorities.
let's just say if he has a penis and he hypothetically needs to put it somewhere... i would take care of that for him.
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
I knew it was going to be good when he took off my bra and I only realized 5 minutes later
Wake your sexy ass up. It's donut time.
Gotta wait until my full time offer is confirmed before I try to fuck the mid level manager
The twitch Bob Ross stream is the happiest little hangover cure ever.
Sorry your girlfriend got you a valentines present and you forgot to get her one.
How long will your dick be dry?
We just had sex in the shed while having a conversation about cheeseburgers...so that's how my day is going
I can't believe he's mad at you for not remembering your fake anniversary.
It true. It written in the Bible.
Yes I remember that, right next to the passage where jesus said unto his disciples, pop molly, fuck bitches amen
Randomize