dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
The solution to mudbutt is never ever Clorox wipes. It stings soooooooo bad.
so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
do you ever get flashbacks of ppl you had sex with and just shudder at how gross they were/how drunk you were?
story of my life.
He bought me shots at the bar as his way of of paying me back for Plan B
she just pulled a hulk hogan to make her point. no idea how it helped
I pull out like 90% of the time, but that's just to make art.
She tied her key to her bra the night before and couldn't get it off while trying to open the door this morning so she just took her bra off and let it tangle from the key while unlocking the door...the old Indian couple next door were shocked.
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
Made a pinky promise to a lesbian on crack in WeHo. No one knows what I promised
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
It is not a successful senior year unless you show up to campus without pants at least once, right?
you just won the triple crown of sex! your prize is more sex.
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
Randomize
