i just made a list of the people i have slept with. is it bad that some of them are just either names of the places i met them or the color of the shirts?
i also rounded the number up for good measure. i am sure there are a few i have forgotten about.
for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
Judging by her face, I'd say she's at least dabbled with meth...
After he convinced me that my friend had died and come back to life, I decided I was having sex with him that night, and that I should lay off the drugs for a while.
Just woke up with my keys in one hand and cheesecake in the other.
Listen, everyone has a price and mine is free taco bell.
I don't even care that his girlfriend will be there. Us hooking up is a tradition and she will NOT ruin it.
Just an FYI if we break up I'm going to sleep with your cousin or who ever my dealer is.
Found the cure to anxiety attacks.
An orgasm
when a dude sends me an unwanted dick pic I just send him a picture of a nicer one. A more photogenic one. A dick with a future.
I just wanna get drunk and go sledding in my kayak
Thanks for letting me pee on your bed and cry about nothing to you. You're a real friend
so at 3am I stumbled into my parents house and crawled into bed with them, I need to start dating.
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
I cuddled with a man named Pickles
Randomize
