i just googled the alphabet. i couldnt remember if it was jklomnop or jklmnop.
If I brought two seashells to Lowe's, do you think that they'd drill two holes in each shell for me? I need to be a mermaid on Saturday...
fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
Sometimes I wish I could open my skin and just take a little peek at my liver. You know, just to see if it's rotten yet or still perfect looking.
They evidently had to pull his penis out of me while we were passed out on the floor.
Holy shit he's circumcised. His parents must have really loved him.
No he's great. He's trying to do "sexy stuff" for me now, which is pretty hilarious. He stirred my daiquiri with his penis last night. He also tied a bouquet of flowers around it.
I didn't realize how trashy of a night we had.
Welllll, you did eat a cherry out of my pussy. So I think that classes it up a little.
I had a dream that my roommate walked in on me masturbating and I hissed "I'm not stopping this orgasm train for the likes of you" and just kept going
Just spent 10 minutes washing away my own puke. This gas station lady loves me.
I'm thinking my boss switched to all cordless keyboards and mouses so that none of us would hang ourselves in the office.
I need to immerse myself in a tub of peroxide to kill whatever traces of him are on me.
Doing blow in the bathroom isnt the same without you
Do a rail off the baby station in my honor
He made me chicken tenders and margaritas in preparation for me to take a pregnancy test at his place later tonight. Like...seriously.
so i'm with my friends driving on the highway and just saw a guy in the car next to us sucking on a dildo. can't make this shit up.
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