Is it a bad thing that the only time i wear nice clothes to class, is when i get too fucked up the night before and wear the same clothes i went out in?
So my professor just changed my Final to 7:45am on May 6th. Shouldn't a Spanish professor understand the implications of Cinco de Mayo???
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
You have permanently scared my back with your nails. I would like to congratulate you on a job well done.
Doing laundry, just found a knob off your stove in my pants pocket. I don't know.
Have your arms or hands ever gone numb after drinking too much?
Wtf did you do last night?
the good news is that i vommed the last of my humanity last night.
welcome to the club.
I drunk-cried for all conjoined twins everywhere the other day.
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
Everclear isn't food dammit
I accidentally mass texted his dick pic. Not only to my friends, but to my dad as well...
he's a mother fucking interior design major!! we boned and fell asleep and now we're laying in bed discussing what color i should paint my room. i'm marrying him
Sorry, was sleeping. I heard a rumor that I had a hangover, so I just went with it...
So, do I need to remind you to keep it classy tonight?
No, because if you have to be reminded it isn't classy.
Guuuuurrrrrl! He ate the 🌮like it contained the Covid-19 vaccine!
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