When I woke up in the parking lot today I decided it is not a good idea to hang out with you anymore.
This is ridiculous. It's like playing possible STD Clue, and I don't want to be the winner.
We're the only two others left at work. My internal monologue is going: TAKE ME. TAKE ME NOWW. ON THE COUNTER. IN FRONT OF THE MANAGER. JUST TAKE MEEE
I have invented a new sport: freshman-watching. I'm sitting on our porch literally dying watching the freshmen run around trying to find parties
There is nothing more embarrassing than your birth control alarm going off while in a meeting with your boss and they tell you to take it.
Let's get really high and wear fake mustaches and try not to laugh at each other...
One huge ass giant mistake followed by celebatory shots and coors lights thats my day in a nut shell
Stop leaving me alone with my ex boyfriends after keg challenges. Woke up in his bed covered in what you think would be cum. No...toothpaste. He left a note. "Be home at four. Don't be here when I get back."
Please explain why there is a video of you peeing in the Taco Bell bathroom on my phone? Also why did you wink at the end?
I just found a video of you asking to be a whale with me.
He got kicked out 3 times. I have no idea how he kept getting back in. I saw him walking on the highway the next morning.
I wouldn't be too worried. He's been known to chase a chubby before.
THAT IS NOT HOW YOU TALK TO YOUR SISTER
I just KNEW this was gonna happen. NEVER say "all the free Jameson you can drink" around Tina.
Blacked out drunk in California and woke up somewhere in Arizona, I'm pretty sure I got here on foot
Pandora was on point with the sex music tonight
Randomize
